I’m halfway gone, maybe more than that. I’m halfway to a realisation but I’m not sure what it is. I’m halfway from throwing it all away. I’m halfway from running as fast as I can to a destination I’ll only know when I get there. I’m screaming inside, I’m shallow breathing, i’m out of breath, i’m confused and disoriented and reaching the end of any kind of tolerance I might have.
I’m holding on to a thread of sanity and i’m still just about holding it all together, my way. I’m stuck as to why I feel like this, unsettled, restless, wrong, confused, tired, afraid but then I start to think that these things I can’t fix, i can’t create some utopia in my life, I can’t be my saviour. I’ve tried to live life my way for so long, tried to listen to others and live a semblance of a life that people say i should have.
Maybe God’s having a go at me and throwing it all back in my face and making me realise that it’s not me, it’s not my mission, it’s not my Gospel, it’s His.
Maybe I’m halfway to realising I can’t live like this anymore because i was never meant to, I was meant to live the way God wants me to.
Sobering? Thought provoking? Annoying? Who are you. i don’t have much of a clue who I am anymore.
Reading my first reaction was of shock but then I started to really think about it and your right lad... The thing I love most about your blogs are your honesty and its real... not like some jumped up holier than though type of Christianity some people claim to have... Like these challenege me a lot when I read them... Thanks...
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