No offence but i Don't EVER want to be like you

I think realisations can slap you up the face sometimes, other times it takes a while to settle in. I think I just had one of those “taking a while to settle in but when it does it hits you up the face” moments. Here it is: I don’t, at all, ever want to be like everyone else. I can look at other peoples’ lives and be a little jealous, I can look at other peoples’ direction in life and drive and career and want what they have sometimes. I can look at stylish people and rock stars and successful church leaders and I can crave that sometimes, but when it comes down to it, I do not want those things.

We can be swept along sometimes by other peoples’ dreams and I don’t think it’s always a bad thing but it’s not always a good thing. I look at what others have and when i think about me in their position I get bored and slightly depressed. Why? I’m just not built that way. i think i’m stuck in a rut because I’ve never fully grasped the concept of me being me. I’ve talked it, preached it, blogged it but it’s had to come in stages. I was not created to be fit into a certain mould, I don’t think any of us were.

I look at people I knew years ago, crazy, funky, interesting people and then they settle. it scares me, I’ve thought for so long that I need to settle, that i need to become a respectable citizen, that if I don’t get more mature and manly and safe that I’ll never get anywhere in life. That’s what’s killing me, that’s what’s holding me back. I’m trying to be safe when I’m just not meant to be. It’s not that I don’t want to grow up, it’s that I think we’ve got this whole grown up thing horribly wrong. Where’s the spontaneity, the passion, the madness, the fun in life? Are we just so focussed on creating a good living for ourselves, or for other people that we miss who we are?

I’m more unsettled now than I’ve ever been, this realisation has made it impossible for me to ignore it. this is something that I have to deal with, pray about, cry about, blog about.

I wonder what my purpose in life is. I never wanted to be safe but I found that the older I got the more safe was the norm and expected by so many. Safe shouldn’t be the norm. maybe unpredictability needs to be. Maybe my purpose is to be unsafe, to rip it up, to make people think and get angry and annoyed and passionate and inspired.

It’s time to wake up and smell yourself, is it really you? Are you living the life you were created to or the life you thought you wanted? Don’t live a lie. maybe when Jesus was talking to the rich guy He knew this guy wasn’t living his potential, is real dreams, his real passions, maybe Jesus knew that this guy had to throw it away and rediscover himself. It seems the best way to rediscover ourselves is to give it up, follow Jesus and see the way we were meant to live.