Should I stay or should I go?

I sometimes dream of another life. One where things are different but when I think about it I don't know what I would change. I can rant and rave and be so annoyed about everything and question my place in this world but I can see that a lot of crap stuff that has happened in my life has changed me and moulded me and a lot of good stuff too.

I've been vocal and very personal about my annoyances and pains and hurts and anger lately. It's no secret that modern day Christianity makes me sick. I've found it easy to throw out all that stuff and expect people to unpack it and do what they will with it. I give no answers, I leave it all open. I do this because I'm still living it, I have no answers, I don't know what we should do, I don't know what I'm doing.

One thing I do know is that things have to change. i don't think I'm in this prolonged mood for no reason and I don't believe it's impacting people for no reason.

God wants to speak, He wants us to listen. I feel like running away. I want nothing to do with Christianity sometimes, it's too formulaic and dead and same old same old and not too connected to who I read about in the Bible.

It would be easy to run away, it's a whole different story when we stand up and dare to make some sort of difference. do I go and start some new church somewhere where there are millions already or do I be the change right where I am? You can read these blogs, you can be inspired, you can say the right things but when it comes down to Sundays and weekly meetings what are you doing? What are you thinking? If we avoid them and sulk and wallow in self pity then change becomes a joke and a fluffy dream.

We might be stuck where we are, God has His reasons, but it doesn't mean we stay still and moan and groan and be all martyrish.