Running

I wrote a letter the other day. A goodbye of sorts. It seems that a part of me has left already. To where I don’t know. I went to bed last week and all night dreamed about the pro’s and con’s of throwing myself off a cliff! Don’t worry it was dreamland, but it made me think a lot about my place in this world and why I’m actually doing the stuff I’m doing.

People could read my latest blogs and think I’m having a bad time. I’m not. I’m very unhinged and thinking about so many things but I am not for one minute depressed or at the end of my rope. It seems that I have been awakened to the crap happening around me. I don’t know how to handle it all at once. Running seems a good option but not to get away, I feel that for the first time in my life that I am ready to run into who I was created to be. I was always afraid of me, afraid of who I was created to be. I feared that i was meant to be normal and I would lose my craziness and sense of humour. It’s only when I started to not give a stuff about all that and just let God drive me that I slowly began to just live. I know a little of who I am and I know that I’m not in the right place. I know I’ve moulded into   something else, someone that’s not me. It’s not good enough. It’s wrong.

I’m on the blocks, ready to go but I suppose i don’t want to false start. I am where I am for a reason and I accept that but I know there is more and I need to allow God to help me be me.