Sick and SCREAMING

I get close sometimes to exploding. I mean really exploding. I can have enough of people, have enough of little derogatory comments, sick of looks and traditionalist thought, sick of being told how to live, sick of rubbish football on TV. Just sick of it all.

I question life and it has no answers. I question my role in this world and the answers I get are nothing like what I’m living. Every day I get closer to who I meant to be but it means I get further away from the person I am. I feel disconnected from me, from people, from pretty much everything.

I’m frustrated, I’m shaking, crying out to God that He’ll help me, hoping that He understands. I’ve been like this before and it wasn’t pretty. Things are different now, I have my blogs. Sometimes I’m more personal in this blog than people like, so go read something else.

People read these and speculate on everything and think I’m hinting at things. maybe I am, or maybe I’m just being as raw as I feel, if I don’t throw this out there I’ll find another outlet.

I’m questioning now more than I was last month and I never thought that was possible. I’m also aware that people can get to this place, that people can despair and give up, and walk away and turn away from God. Don’t. When I get to this stage I’m left with a choice, walk away or walk to God and I always realise that I will not and cannot give up on God. I’ve been through to many scrapes with God, I’ve grabbed hold of His promises and I’m not letting go.

Yes it feels like I’m being destroyed but I’ll get through this and I’m not alone. 

Stuff will be thrown at you, will scratch and tear at you but stand up and face God, don’t turn your back on Him. Find an outlet, pray, talk, scream if you have to but realise that things can happen and we’ve got the capability for rising out of it and changing things...